September....? Where did you go?

My whole fear of commitment is slowly waning…well it is still there…but well it is breaking down. An impromptu weekend at his lake helped. Sitting in his arms on the dock on the lake during a beautiful fall night, cuddled under a blanket, the stars burning brightly, brighter then I have seen them in a long time…and falling stars dammit. I mean, that cannot get any more perfect.

He made me breakfast! He left a box on my doorstep of presents for me for my birthday with notes. He picked up my tipsy self from a show. He knows dj’s and wants to go to shows with me. He already owned the cd of a local band I liked but had just not seen them live. Alright, so I am utterly superficial and the fact that he was featured in the national news…oh and my radio show producer friend was the one who found out about him (via twitter of all things) and was the first one to contact him and ask to interview him for her local show, which started the whole, everybody wanted to interview him thing…and she was impressed…alright, I am superficial that way. I am impressed. I find it attractive. Plus when he does actually dress up for business meetings (at embassies or with deputy ministers/ministers-you know the usual) he cleans up fairly well. (if only he would stop doing the goofy pose in so many pictures!)

He gets back from Japan/Europe on the seventh…we’ve been talking via fb/email while he has been gone…I am thinking though I might need some space, to get some perspective…which I was supposed to be doing but we’ve been talking on fb and via email. He wants me to pick him up at the airport. Dear lord. That spells commitment! Although apparently a weekend away does too. But I don’t think so. Have done that before and it was just about the fun, living in the moment. This on the other hand has long term implications. Again, what I am fearful of?

When he came up to my lake during the long weekend, I told him he would be better suited to my sister. Older, mature, looking for a long term relationship, he had been in one for six and half years afterall. (my sister had been in one for almost five years...) He was sorta annoyed with that. Funny thing was my mother has decided my sister needs more friends or apparently I am the one who will find her, her next boyfriend. Even asking me to get my sister to join me when I am out with my friends. (I have in the past...) I told her she would not like the one group of friends, being the types who go to bars, drink and see shows and have sex. Anyways, the funny thing was when I mentioned him to my mother and that he had been in the national news, she asked me more about him and declared him perfect for my sister. He found that not so much funny as, ‘what is up with your family?!!’ I think my past dating/fling/non-commitment relationships have well…not encouraged her to think anyone remotely stable would be my type.

So utterly confused at this point. Am even more mixed up then I was in the beginning when I told him I wanted to take it slow and not be in a relationship.

Of course when I tell my friends that I want to take it slow, with an athletic guy, who owns his own company, been in the news, has lived in Sweden/Japan/Spain, speaks at least two languages fluently and a couple others a bit, loves to cook, loves wine and cheese, left me the aforementioned present, doesn’t want to stay here like me, owns his own car, well they want to beat me with a stick.

One of the things holding me back I think is our vastly different relationship experiences…just not sure if it can be bridged.

But well, I have enough to worry about, as I am behind to the point of well, practically criminality on everything in my life. Very overwhelming.

Plus I have been keeping busy with friends. Afterwork drinks with ‘the gang’ on Friday, only to come home, change and go out again for radio friends birthday at one of my favourite pubs. Good fun, but spent far too much money and really fuzzy at the end. Also hungover most of Saturday and spent the majority of the day chatting with the boy via fb. I have determined that I am really really far too old for such things and I will be a good girl from now on. Recovered in time to go out to a wedding social with Russian friend. Food was delicious and since it was a Filipino wedding social, I got to watch awesome line dancing to pop music by older ladies.

Sunday, puttered about a bit, cleaned, listened to some chill music, tried to do schoolwork then headed out to cute musician’s dad’s business. (cute musician who is now dating another friend of mine…sigh, but truly they probably suit each other better artistically then he and I would) We watched Planet Earth and The Big Lebowsky on a massive screen, with apparently some of the best sound in the city (?) and munched on vegan pizza. Yum! Was invited out to see a show that night but decided I really should head home…only to talk more with the boy. Arg.

Last week I also began my new job. For the first time in what seems a long time. I went to work. I went to the gym. I came home. I relaxed. That was it. I have not had a schedule like that in a long while and seeing how exhausted I was every evening, well maybe I have been overdoing it some weeks. But not overdoing it in really super productive things like my thesis. Arg.

This weekend I have not set plans. There are two shows I kind of want to see on Friday and Saturday but I have no one to see the show with on Friday, so am debating about that one. If parents go away to the lake again, may just have a night in. Or a weekend in…might be a good idea. Really focus on thesis. Except my sister now apparently wants to do ‘naughty bingo’ at some sort of hotel for sister bonding time. I am rather leery of this plan but, well, try anything once and all that.

Then the boy gets back the next week…and I may or may not pick him up from the airport. Either way, got a feeling I will be see him the next night. Then a music fest starts and I am already planning on seeing one show with Russian friend, the night of a birthday for another friend…and checking out another with the boy. Told radio friend about it and we may check out a show or two, too. Funny, the bands are bands from across Canada and I recognized most of them and had actually seen several of them live…random. I also know one of the musicians from the local band (cute musician) and randomly partied with another during a festival when they showed up at the cabin. Random.\

I keep expecting things to slow down…but they haven’t yet and with the whole starting a new position and the whole, has the potential to get insane in the next couple of months…I am feeling rather overwhelmed.

So many new things starting and so many old things to wrap up….